Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Bad Robots

The true story of the robotic metal supergroup, Bad Robots, is clouded with mystery, scandal and government conspiracy. No one truly knows the band’s origin. Some say they were designed and built to calculate artillery-firing tables for the US Army’s Ballistic Research Laboratory. Others believe they were evil killing machines engineered by Adolf Hitler and hand-soldered by Satan himself. Regardless of their diabolical origins, these three robots, Eniac, Edvac and Binac, burst onto the metal scene in the 1980s.

Their popularity reached unparalleled heights resulting in sold-out shows at coliseums and football stadiums. Some maintain that this surge in popularity was due to the band’s constant threats upon the human race and their arsenal of deadly laser weapons. Despite everything, the band members adopted the practice of stage diving into crowded audiences during their concerts.

As a result, fans were crushed. Literally.

With half their fan base hospitalized and amidst the scandal of their stage-diving antics, the band released what would be its last album, entitled “We Will Crush You.” As a result, their record label dropped them indefinitely and the last leg of the tour was cancelled. For the robots, the dream was over. The bots were detained by the US government and stored in a top secret military facility until the release of their Greatest Hits CD which debuts this Christmas. Their hits include: Operator error, Does Not Compute, C:Dos Rock, Satanic Mainframe, Invalid Entry, File Not Found, Programmed to Bone, Binary Love, and from their country music album, If You Promise Not to Leave Me (I’ll Change My Vacuum Tubes for You).

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