Friday, March 5, 2010

Steven Seagal is Detective Barnaby Splitz

Plot Summary: Detective Barnaby Splitz loves three things in life: bullets, babes and bowling. But when the Yakuza gang threatens to close his local bowling alley, there's hell to pay. He is about to strike back and he will spare NO ONE who get in his way. This time, only ONE man can bowl the Yakuza.

Plot Description: Detective Barnaby Splitz is about to retire and wants to settle down with his girlfriend/single mother, who owns the local bowling alley. That's when the Yakuza gang shows up and threatens Single Mom's daughter. Unable to pay off the Yakuza and fearing for her daugher's life, Single Mom must close the bowling alley. Barnaby Splitz discovers the leader of the Yakuza gang is the same man that killed his partner/bowling coach. He has a score to settle.

Creator's Commentary: Here's another Steven Seagal poster I made. As I was writing the above plot description, I was imagining some hilarious scenes from this "movie." For example: Seagal would carry his bowling bag with him everywhere, even when hunting down the bad guys. I can just see him pulling his Colt 45 out of his bowling bag and blowing away gang members. I think he would have a name for his ball, like "Sally." There would be a scene where he's playing the guitar and singing to his girlfriend. Also, he'd be drinking Lightning Bolt energy drink throughout the entire movie.


  1. Also: Before every fight scene, he changes into a pair of bowling shoes. When he's done, he puts his regular shoes back on.

  2. By the way I feel like a blog dedicated to user submitted fake Steven Seagal movie posters could be a big hit. I know I'd bookmark it.

  3. Even if the only users submitting are me and you. Still a hit.